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Here are the letters students have submitted along with our replies:

Letter One

Editors reply:

Thank you for being so kind to reply, I am sure you've had a stressful life, they say once you've been to that school you've seen it all.

There are a number of things I've noticed about most of the people that go there:

• They all know how to pick locks to steal your bike

• They all have Player hater degrees

• They all know how to look at someone as if they're going to slap him down and hope he walks past.

• They all know how to shout at people while looking outside the window and making no eye contact.

• They all own 10 mobile phones (stolen of course) and they can't speak a word of proper English.

• They all wear Adidas sports wear

• They all claim their parents are rich and own Airports (Like this girl who walked out with no qualifications)

• They talk about how shit the school is and then start vandalizing it as if it's going to get any better.

• The teachers get paid to teach but all they do is shout.

I would like to thank you again for your letter and I know you don't fit into any of those categories because if you did, you wouldn't have sent such a thoughtful message. Other pupils can also send us mail, or we'll keep blackmailing you! Come on people its just a flipping web form, its not like you have to open up your e-mail accounts, because I know that's too hard for you. This site was made for people like Sharkyp, remember what they used to say at HPS whenever the toilet got vandalized "These are your resources!"

Letter Two

Editors reply:

Another thoughtful person who wants to share his opinions with the us, thank you so much for your message!

You're honesty is most appreciated, this is why we've made this website for people like you who have the courtesy to give some positive feedback.

"i don''t expect everyone to understand the humor of this site..."

Neither do we, I mean try watching Graham Norton, there are so many people who like that guy, I'm not one of them.

All he does is talk about "Big Brother", tell you who you should vote out, then he makes fun out of his audience who laugh at anything. He keeps repeating himself,  e.g. "Leave it"

This guy has no material, before every show his manager tells him to act queer and talk about "Big Brother".

That's comedy for ya!

"1)although this site is a joke, alot of truth is said in jest, and 2)it has taken the creator/s alot of through thinking to highlight the main things which are fucked up in the school in question"

Listen to this guy folks he is an expert! As for those people who don't like the site we don't take much notice of them, they can buff our pickle.  

Letter Three

Editors reply:

Oh I didn't know you have "Hemera Photo objects lite" as well, because that picture you are referring to was copied straight out of that particular clipart program. Isn't it ironic that you are trying to sue me for placing a graphic that you copied from a clipart program? If you're the person who created the actual program I'd doubt you'd sue someone for actually using your software.

If you really were to sue me imagine what my lawyer would say "Oh no, no one is trying to sue us!"

So go back to searching for pictures on "Google" and give yourself a couple of slaps for wasting my precious time!

Letter Four

Editors reply:

I can't tell you how sorry I am for copying your beautiful phrase, you obviously don't know when to stop pressing the send button, we've received this same letter about 8 times. We can't display your letter 8 times so here it is in all its glory, lousy grammar and punctuation.

"Do you want me to spark you? I SWEAR I WILL BEAT YOU UP WHEN I FIND YOU! SO TELL ME WHO YOU ARE NOW!"

How can you possibly threaten me when you don't know who I am? For all you know I can be triple H, but the thing that strikes me most is the fact that you want to find me and ask me to reveal my identity.

By the way your threats are weak its one thing I have learnt from experience is that if someone is really going to do something they usually do it, not say it.

"I am well pissed because I believe Mc Faghit is based on me because I saw you write..."

Why did I rip off your phrase? Because because.

You sure you're not ripping off "Wizard of Oz?"

Really, just check the lyrics to "Follow the yellow brick road"

"If ever oh ever a Wiz! there was The Wizard of Oz is one because, Because, because, because, because, because. Because of the wonderful things he does"

"NEXT TIME YOU SEE ME YOU’LL HAVE BLOOD ALL OVER YOUR FACE!!!"

The next time I see you, we haven't met have we? Oh yeah I remember you, you're that shoe-shiner boy!

So put your head between your legs and try sucking yourself off.

Letter Five

Letter Six

Editors reply:

Yeah like I said before, if I ever find out who made the scripts for the forum I am going to hump his mum!!! It'll have to do for now.

Letter Seven

Editors reply:

Brilliant! Why don't you write us an article and we'll tell you if we like it send it to rabbi_cokh@yahoo.com

Letter Eight

Editors reply:

Well if we made them too easy people would be complaining about how easy they were and think they're the whip. We just can't win with you people Ahhhhhh!!!! AHHHHH!!! Grrrrrr!!!! I feel like I want to kill someone!

Letter Nine

Editors reply:

Mike Bentley is that you again? Only this time you're using your boyfriends e-mail address, what's the matter can't you defend your own honour?

Letter Ten

Editors reply:

Thanks for letting us know your feelings, you are entitled to your opinion and we are entitled to not care. Your e-mail is displayed as promised and people can see for themselves what a cool person you are.

"Mc Faghit is so not cool what are you like trying to prove, that this site is cool?"

Well no if you read the FAQ you would have noticed that we are trying to pull fun out of people like you who are obsessed with homosexuals.

"what's so cool about writing about a school? Scool wow thats like so cool, yeah man s-cool."

People are so good at criticizing, so what's new? I don't see why you are spending your time at an un-cool site you should be out pimping bitches and taking crack.

I mean look at you, you're a pathetic little loser who can't spell sorcerer, I mean what the hell does your e-mail mean anyway?

"you don't become cool by acting gay!"

Please show us how to act cool, otherwise go finish your homework!

I am sick of these little punk ass kids thinking they're Eminem, you better finish your homework or you won't get any supper!

You're a stupid little computer geek who's trying to be a crook, I was thinking of holding a poll about you, but you're too insignificant, so here's your place in the sun. This is your 5 minutes of fame, now go to sleep! I know this is a high point in your life, man why did I ever waste my time replying?

P.S why do these idiots always have hotmail accounts?

To send a letter click here to fill in our web form

Holland Parke School News:     Headmaster hopes the chalk thief reveals his identity, he will not punish this individual he just wants to have a friendly chat with him                  Shock as dinner lady is caught excreting in chocolate Ice Cream                      Rabbi Cokh voted sexiest teacher of the year                        Master John Bater mugged outside pizza shop                         No more toilet paper in school toilet, Headmaster says they're being used for masturbation purposes                                Inspectors day on the 16th please could everyone be on their best behaviour so no one could know what a shit school it really is                          Aligator on the loose in the school swimming pool                           The BBC is filiming a documentary near the school entitled "The drugged up ganglord"                      Broken Piano replaced, students are advised not to have sex on Piano again                            Headmaster urges the student who sneezed outside his office at August 23rd to give himself in, anyone with further information please contact reception                  Last chance to hand over school calendars or face a death sentence                            School Main computer room covered in faeces  

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