Mrs. Diana Rigby

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Mrs. Diana Rigby

Hello

I hope you’re all studying hard for your exams, because if you don’t bring up the schools average grades to the required standard then we will be forced to ransack your lockers.

So if you don’t want a repeat of last years “embezzling” I suggest you head to the library and study as if your life depended on passing these exams.

We are also organizing a concert for the school, “Freak Penius” were going to be performing unfortunately we haven’t heard from them, I bet they got caught in “operation ore”.

Never mind we’ll just get Rabbi cokh to show us how to nit a kippah.

At the moment the school is being refurbished so we don’t want to see any of you around any students lurking near the school will be shot on site.

We’ve painted all the walls in the school with anti-climb paint; we’ve also painted the P.E (Physical Education) climbing equipment with anti-climb paint.

All the gates have been extended in height so the school feels like an inescapable prison.

The fire extinguishers have been removed from the whole school because they are a fire hazard.

Here are the new rules of conduct:

Be good to each other
Always keep your pencils sharpened
No swapping Pokemon cards in the playground!
You’re not allowed to deal with crack!
You’re not allowed to urinate on toilet paper (That goes for the male students)
You’re no longer allowed to fight naked in the Gym showers (This applies to the male students)
No More pussy year 7 fights!
No water fights! (Any students who are seen water fighting will be given cold showers!)

So take care of yourselves and don’t bring Beyblades, Pokemon cards, or Yoyo’s to school.

We will make you eat them!

Holland Parke School News: Headmaster hopes the chalk thief reveals his identity, he will not punish this individual he just wants to have a friendly chat with him Shock as dinner lady is caught excreting in chocolate Ice Cream Rabbi Cokh voted sexiest teacher of the year Master John Bater mugged outside pizza shop No more toilet paper in school toilet, Headmaster says they're being used for masturbation purposes Inspectors day on the 16th please could everyone be on their best behaviour so no one could know what a shit school it really is Aligator on the loose in the school swimming pool The BBC is filiming a documentary near the school entitled "The drugged up ganglord" Broken Piano replaced, students are advised not to have sex on Piano again Headmaster urges the student who sneezed outside his office at August 23rd to give himself in, anyone with further information please contact reception Last chance to hand over school calendars or face a death sentence School Main computer room covered in faeces